I Am Responsible

{ Friday, April 29, 2011 }
I am responsible. I can make things better.

This is a true and liberating thought. Often in my life I've felt sorry for myself, for being shy, for being a lousy public speaker, for all the people who didn't like me and didn't care. But this feeling sorry leads to feeling helpless, like a victim. I thought I could never change my situation and that I'm doomed for life. But the thought that I am responsible, and no one else, breaks the cycle of self-pity. I am responsible. No one else. Even if someone hurts me, I am responsible for letting his or her words get to me and influence my mood. If I'm shy, I can follow courses to feel less shy. I've always had this expectation somewhere deep inside that one day, someone or something would save me and would suddenly make my life happen the way I want it. But you can't invade a country and expect the locals to bend to your will and change. Likewise, you can't expect someone to pull you out of all your problems and make you happy, if you didn't change from the inside. Even if I move to the other side of the world, I will still experience the same problems, because I'm still the same inside. I think the trick is to look within instead of to your worldly environment.

"Because God will never change the grace which He hath bestowed on a people until they change what is in their (own) souls: and verily God is He Who heareth and knoweth (all things). (Q 8:53)

I can ask God for help of course. But I have to make the change happen. It will be hard, but it's the only thing that will last. Sometimes it's hard to believe that we have any say in the matter, because so many bad things seem to happen to us. But I really believe that we have to keep looking for solutions and have a positive mindset that things can and will change for the better, if we only let it. We need to believe in ourselves and have faith.

A lot of times our expectations of the other are too high, especially in marriages. We think that the other exists to make us happy and to cater to our needs. Of course it's not wrong to expect of your partner to support you and be there for you when you have a hard time, and to love you. But he/she is not responsible for making you happy. You are. If you are upset with your partner, maybe you are expecting him/her to give you something that only you can give yourself. 

Just a thought =)


Mimi said...

Oh safiya, I'm shy and I suck at speaking. I believe my shyness is one of the main reasons I'm considered to be the worst among my classmates. My department in the college was built on injustice, thats why sometimes they have to evaluate the students according to how interactive they are. Tests and exams aren't graded fairly.

It's one of the reasons why university makes me depressed -_-

I never asked god to lessen my shyness though, but I do about my speaking skills. maybe it's a bright angle you're looking at things from, but I think I shouldn't feel sorry because of the undesirable things about myself. I'm a very introverted girl. I've been so since I was a little girl. I used to be too shy. anyway, now I actually thank God for my introversion. Because of it I could be different from the people I live with. I could understand a lot of things. I could be, hmm, rebelious. Lol?

The most beautiful thing I'm gratedul for because of my introversion is my relationship with God. I was too introverted. I had no one around to speak to except God. That's why I felt my introversion helped strengthened my relationship with God.

I don't want to feel sorry for myself because of my introversion. It's been a gift to me.

It's a lovely post indeed, but don't blame yourself alot please. Please!

Safiyah said...

I'm glad you see your introversion as a gift, Mimi, and there is nothing wrong with that =) It certainly has its positive sides, I agree. You certainly don't have to feel sorry about that. Sometimes it just gets me down that people are so superficial, and often do not have the patience to wait until you open up to them. No, you have to be talkative and spontaneous right away or they lose interest. I'm not like that, and as a result, I don't have so many friends. And that is what makes me unhappy from time to time, and sometimes makes me pity myself. Then I need to remind myself that I am responsible, since I also like to spend much time alone, so I can't have both. I don't want to change my personality and become so outgoing and superficial that I don't have time for the deeper and more meaningful things in life. That would be against my nature. I just want to have a fulfilling and happy life, like everyone else ;-)

Thanks for your comment,sweety =)

Mimi said...

OMG Safiya, I think we share a lot of things. *hugs* Take care!

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