What's wrong with me?

{ Tuesday, September 13, 2011 }
I'm feeling very down at the moment. I'm in a strange country, without any close friends. I feel invisible to the group I'm with, and it's not the first time that I feel this way. My last year of highschool was hell. I just don't understand why. I don't understand why people have no patience to meet the real me. They just put me aside and label me as "boring and impractical-no addition the the group whatsoever". And God knows how hard it is to get rid of a label! It literally gives me stomachache. Now I feel I just want to withdraw myself from them, and not spend anymore time with them outside of school, but of course then it's decided I won't ever fit in. Maybe it's already decided anyway. It makes me angry that I care so much. Who are they to make me feel so miserable? And is it not my responsibility if I let them make me feel miserable? I just feel I have very little confidence, but I don't know how to change my situation. It's causing me a lot of grief. I know I can't force others to change, so I need to find my inner peace despite what's happening around me. I just have this constant feeling that I want to be saved, but in the end, the only person who can save me is me.
I just hoped it would be over after highschool, but I'm still living the same hell.
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