What's wrong with me?

{ Tuesday, September 13, 2011 }
I'm feeling very down at the moment. I'm in a strange country, without any close friends. I feel invisible to the group I'm with, and it's not the first time that I feel this way. My last year of highschool was hell. I just don't understand why. I don't understand why people have no patience to meet the real me. They just put me aside and label me as "boring and impractical-no addition the the group whatsoever". And God knows how hard it is to get rid of a label! It literally gives me stomachache. Now I feel I just want to withdraw myself from them, and not spend anymore time with them outside of school, but of course then it's decided I won't ever fit in. Maybe it's already decided anyway. It makes me angry that I care so much. Who are they to make me feel so miserable? And is it not my responsibility if I let them make me feel miserable? I just feel I have very little confidence, but I don't know how to change my situation. It's causing me a lot of grief. I know I can't force others to change, so I need to find my inner peace despite what's happening around me. I just have this constant feeling that I want to be saved, but in the end, the only person who can save me is me.
I just hoped it would be over after highschool, but I'm still living the same hell.

4 comments:

äмän ♥ said...

Aww ..Saiyah dont be sad. YOu dont need to change yourself. and i know when we care alot we might get hurt but that's okey sometimes we just cant help it cause being caring is our nature. just have faith. Everything will be fine.
you are awesome =)
much love.

Almost a Muslimah said...

I think confidence is the key hun :-) we all want to fit in but it doesn't mean that you are going to deny who you are for the sake of fitting in. it would cause you even more hurt and it's not worth it.
you are a beautiful person inside and outside, and they just can't handle it ;-) I do believe that you will meet people in your life that will appreciate your qualities. There might not be 100s of them but a handful of good souls, and that's enough :-)
in the meantime, I hope this issue stops bringing you down and I see sth in my inbox soon :-) keep on rocking, love xox

MarieHarmony said...

Safiyah I am so sorry you feel this way. Please remember you are in my prayers, I so recognise my younger self in you. I won't lie to you it is a long and difficult road. I still don't feel I fit in but I have found my inner peace and wherever I go I might not been accepted and I am fine with the idea.
But the journey has been hard, feeling rejected and trying to change to be part of a group.

My advice: don't change one bit of who you are, just learn to not let their behaviour hurt you, change your approach and not who you are - You are perfect, you are just more sensitive than others.
Continue to have faith, trust God. I know the journey and I can tell you it took me 30 years to feel at ease in my life but it was worth it - patience, one day you'll see the light.

Take care. xxx

djd-fr said...

Look around. Is there anyone else that is alone? They may need a friend.

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