{ Tuesday, October 18, 2011 }
I really want to write more - in fact, I'm dying to write more, but I'm just so busy! I have exams next week, with only the weekend to study for them, and I need to hand in a big paper and do a big presentation. I'm really not good with stress, and I don't know how I will handle the pressure! 

I guess my stay abroad is not how I expected it to be. I'm struggling to find the value in the experiences I go through here. I'm sure there are lessons for me to learn from all this, but I really wonder what the point is of suffering? Am I suffering because I don't concentrate enough on the divine, or am I suffering because it's God's will? A very hard question, I know. I've often tasted loneliness, and I'm just wondering when it will stop. I'm wondering when someone will take me in his/her arms and tell me it's over now, and everything was just a bad dream. I keep telling myself that love comes from within, but humans are not meant to be alone. We thrive when we are appreciated and cared for and I feel like I'm trying to survive in the desert. Why are people so indifferent? Why am I so sensitive? I guess it can all come down to the ancient question: why are we alive? 

There is one thing that could lighten up my stay, and that is if my fiance will get his visa so he can come and visit me. Normally it shouldn't be hard, but I just have this feeling that I'm jinxed or something and that everything in my life is supposed to go bad.

1 comment:

MarieHarmony said...

Oh I know how you feel Safiyah. We are sensitive and the journey is not always easy for us, I have to agree (I recognize me so much in your words).
But it's also a wonderful place for us to be - look at the positive things your character gives you to live and experience.
You don't have to fit in a box - I don't and I am fine with this now, after years of worries.

I know you will find your place and you will become a person you would have never imagine you could be. Remain patient and keep praying. You are safe and loved.

Take care. xxx

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