My Mother Said No

{ Wednesday, February 8, 2012 }
Assalaamu aleykum :)

A couple of days ago, after a lot of hesitation, I told my mother that I wanted to wear headscarf. I still don't know how I mustered the courage. She has known for a few months now that I am Muslim, but she never really commented on it (hoping it was just a phase I suppose). She didn't really react angry or upset, but she did tell me quite clearly that she didn't want me to wear it, that she didn't think it was necessary and that my father would be devastated if he ever saw me like that. I tried to explain my motives to her, but I'm really not such a good "public" speaker. It didn't convince her. She only saw negatives and she told me to seriously rethink it. She told me to practise my "critical" thinking, and that I should open my mind to other religions too. I guess it went how I expected it would go. I didn't really think my mother would reply: "yes, good idea!". To be honest, I think she just wants to protect me, because there is a lot of discrimination against hijabi's here, and my chances of finding a job will be very much reduced (almost to nothing).
If you don't really believe in God, then that would seem as reason enough to forget about the whole idea.
But isn't there a hadith that says:

The Prophet, sallallaahu’alayhi wa sallam, said:
“Whoever gives up something for the sake of Allah, Allah replaces it with something better.”

I truly believe that if you do something for God, you will prosper, no matter how dark your situation might look. I am very aware that here in Belgium people don't like the hijaab and are seeking to ban it in more and more places. But I want to wear it for God, to be closer to God. I won't say I don't feel nervous when I think of how my family and environment would react, but I'm willing to face them. 

I don't really know what to do now. Parents are very important in Islam too, and I don't want to hurt them. If it offends them so much, maybe I should be patient and wait until I'm ready to move out. It's not like it's impossible to be a Muslim woman without hijaab. I can still work on my imaan and gain knowledge without it. 

To any converts reading this, how did you address the issue of hijaab to your parents? Were you still living with them or did you already have your own place?

If anyone has some good texts about hijaab and why Muslim women wear it, feel free to post me the link ;)

I wish you all a wonderful day!

fi amaan Allah


MarieHarmony said...


I am not a convert so I can't help you much. But when I was in Egypt, I covered my head, it felt right for me and brought peace to me heart.

To be honest I am more and more attracted to Islam but I fear a lot the reactions of the people around me and don't feel ready to make the step - when my mum saw the photo of me with the small veil, she reacted like your mum. Actually she was very upset and thought I had lose my mind.

Now I watched a video on Youtube about Hijab the other day and it's very interesting:

It's in Arabic with subtitles in French. It opened my eyes really.

The best maybe to do is to pray and ask God for guidance. I keep you in my prayers my dear friend. take care & much love.

Safiyah said...

Thank you for keeping me in your prayers, dear Marie :) I'll do the same! I wonder why people give us such a hard time when we are just following our heart? May God give you the strength and courage to do what feels right for you :) Thanks for the video! x

Um Zakarya said...

Assalamu Aleykum dear sister,

I'm myself a french revert alhamdulillah, and I had quite hard times with my parents when I started wearing the hijab.It was quite hard at the beginning, but hijab is obligatory upon the muslim woman.Yes we must honour and respect our parents, but the only time when we have to disobey them, is when their queries contradict ALLAH's orders.Shaytan is keeping you from not wearing the hijab, and you're gaining sins as long as non mahram me (men who are not your father, brother, uncle, grandfather..) see you without hijab.Think you might die anytime, and what if you died while you're out without your hijab on?
Here is a good link to a book about hijab:

hope this will help inshALLAH.Always choose to please your Creator over thr creatures, as non muslim families will never be totally satisfied from us as long as we're muslims.

Safiyah said...

w aleykum assalaam, um Zakarya. Thank you for your nasiha :) You are right, my dear sister. God comes before anything else. It's just very hard to think of hurting my parents, but I know that, like you said, they will not be satisfied as long as I am Muslim. Thanks for the book :)

Um Zakarya said...

You're welcome dear sister :)

I know how it feels, just make a lot of duas to ALLAH SWT to give you the strength to wear the hijab and to make it easy for you InshALLAH!

ASaudi'sGirl? said...

I am a revert and still live with my mom. I have yet to even have the courage to tell her I am a Muslim let alone that I want to wear hijab. Thank you for posting your storey as it gives me strength <3

the other side of me said...

wow..its nice to hear all this from a convert..I was born as a Muslim so I dont have trouble when it comes to practicing Islam :) but yeah I agree with Um Zakarya..Allah comes first before everything else..All da best..and I really hope one day ur mother will be open to Islam and hijab

Take care Sis..and thanks for following me :)

Becky said...

What if you die without hijab on? As far as I'm aware, hijab is still not one of the five pillars, it's not part of the Shahada, and frankly, I cannot believe that 50 inches of fabric is going to secure Jannah for you, or damn you to hell.

When that is said, I'm sorry about your mum's reaction. Although I personally don't believe hijab is mandated in Islam, I fully support your choice (and your right to make that choice) to wear hijab. I hope your family will be able to understand that you are still the same person, even when you wear hijab, and that it's a choice you are making freely.

Muslim Butterfly said...

As a convert, when I first put on hijab my mother became angry with me. She thought my step-father would be angry, but he was wonderful about it. He has supported me. The one thing I still have problems for is having people stare at me. While I find i'm fashionable with modesty, people are still curious.

You shouldn't have to ask for permission to wear hijab or not. I personally think that hijab is incumbent on the person, it is your choice and you have to answer before God as to why you did or didn't. Even with all these difficulties I have earned the respect of those that have and questions, especially the men when I explain the reason for my dress and that it was only for the close male relatives to see me without.

To be honest it has helped me a lot with men from sexually harassing me. This was a problem at my old job prior to my conversion.

Just think deeply about it and make the decision by yourself for yourself. Don't ask others because no one else will have to wear it and have to deal with it.

Good Luck.

Safiyah said...

@ A Saudi Girl?: you are welcome :) I've struggled a lot with that, but I can tell you, it's better if they know ;)

@ the other side of me: Thanks :) I hope so too!

@ Becky: Hijaab means more to me than just 50 inches of fabric. Technically, hijaab is also your whole outfit, and not the headscarf alone. For example, wearing a headscarf with a t-shirt and tight jeans is not hijaab. I didn't say that with my headscarf on, I'm convinced I'll go to jannah. It's your actions and the state of your heart that defines if you go to jannah or not. I believe that the hijaab is valuable and will help me in my faith, and that's why I want to wear it. Thanks for your support :)

@ Muslim Butterfly: thanks for your advice :) I'm just scared that my mother will tell me to not wear it as long as I live in their house, and since I'm still studying without a job, I don't really have anywhere to go :/

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