The Importance of Healthy Boundaries Part I

{ Monday, April 30, 2012 }
If there is one thing I learned over the years, it's the importance of looking out for yourself, and listening to what your body and mind has to say. If this sounds logical, then why are there so many people who make themselves invisible in order to please others? There is nothing wrong with empathy, giving charity and being there for others, of course not. But is constantly putting others' needs before yours really what you should do? The answer is no.


For anyone who has tried to constantly please someone else, without expecting or getting anything in return, haven't you noticed how burned out you feel after a while? I'm not on about volunteering or helping the needy, because I know that helping people in need can be very rewarding. I'm on about pleasing a demanding partner or friend. Someone who always expects you to be there for them, but can't be bothered to return the favor. Someone who doesn't listen when you say no, but keeps insisting until you say yes, even if it's bad for you. Someone who constantly talks about him/herself, but never asks about you or listens when you talk about something that concerns you. Basically, someone who walks all over you and makes you forget who you really are. After a while you become so used to saying yes that you forget there is an alternative - a loud, resounding NO. The thing is, his or her needs are not more important than your own. If you think they are, if you have problems taking care of yourself, turning down an offer that's not good for you, and if you always do what the other person tells you to do, you might have a problem with setting boundaries. 


Boundary  - That which indicates or fixes a limit or extent, or marks a bound, as of a territory; a bounding or separating line; a real or imaginary limit.

That's right, a limit. A until here and no further sign. 

We might have been taught that it's bad to have limits. We might have been taught (in our early childhood or by the culprit him/herself) to always stay friendly, to make excuses for someone's behavior, to serve others and not think about our own wishes and needs, because that is "selfish".
Bad and boundary-bashing behavior can be very subtle. It might not include physical violence, but that doesn't mean it's not abuse. If someone makes you forget who you really are on the inside, what you really want in life, who your real friends are, that is abuse. It's like a vampire sucking the blood, your will to live, right out of you. 
Don't you think you at least deserve to stay you? 

So what are the signs that you are involved with someone who's bad for you? What are the signs of having problems with boundaries?

- You feel drained after you spend time with him/her. You feel like you need to take rest and emotionally recharge yourself before you can be in his/her company again.

- You feel like you always have to be concerned with his/her needs and problems. He/she makes your own needs and problems seem trivial, not worthy of attention, and certainly much less important than his/hers.

- He/she insults you, criticises you, and puts you down, even over the smallest things (like how you should do the dishes). When you do something "praiseworthy", he/she remains silent.

-  He/she makes you feel bad about yourself, and makes you feel you are so "lucky" to have him/her in your life.

- He/she puts you under pressure. He/she teaches you there are "wrong" and "right" answers to a question, and when you answer the wrong way, you get "punished". When he/she asks you a question, you are more occupied with finding the "right" answer, that pleases him/her, than to answer what is true for you.

- When someone asks you what you want in life, you have absolutely no idea. You only know what he/she expects of you, and what he/she wants for the two of you.

- He/she has a problem with fidelity. He/she needs to have his/her ego stroked on a regular basis, and by different people. He/she will flirt with other people in front of you and lie to you about how he/she told them he/she's already involved with someone and it's only "innocent". He/she likes to make other people fall in love with him/her, and will even have multiple relationships/marriages at once.

- You are afraid to express your feelings towards this person, because you don't want him/her to retaliate. You know that an emotion that he/she doesn't please, will be "punished". 

- Everything is always your fault, even is the other person hits you, cheats on you or insults you. He/she is infallible. He/she is the "good" person who puts up with your "bad" behavior, and you should kiss his/her feet and thank him/her for it. 

- You carry a lot of grudge and anger towards this person, but never know how to express it in a healthy way. When you really can't take it anymore, you have an explosion of rage in his/her presence, for which you afterwards beg for forgiveness for, because you don't want to lose him/her. 

- He/she is like an addiction to you. When you manage to break away, you always need to come back, and repeat the same mistakes, even if it hurts and makes you despise yourself.

- You mistake "passion" for insecurity, unpredictability and fear of losing someone. When you meet someone who doesn't give you these 3 things, you feel like there is no "spark".

- You feel like saying "no" to others is a bad and selfish thing, even if it hurts you to say yes.

- You consider anger a "bad" emotion, that needs to be hidden away. You don't see it as a sign that something is wrong.

- When someone asks you a question about what you want, your most common answer is "I don't know". 

- You feel ashamed about how you let other people treat you. You direct all your anger towards yourself, because *surely*  this happened because you are "weak" and "not good enough". Despite the shame, it seems impossible for you to actually change the situation and put a stop to the mistreatment. 



Interfaith Sunday: Gems from the Bible

{ Sunday, April 29, 2012 }
The Interfaith series are an acknowledgement of the Wisdom that can be found in every religion and tradition. It's an effort to unite rather than to divide. It's a moment to reach out to others and take their hand, and to say "we are one, you and I. You are part of God's beautiful creation, and so am I, so let's rejoice instead of making war. Let's learn from each other's differences instead of judging and condemning them. Come, my friend, let's learn from one another."



Here are some wonderful quotes from the Bible to reflect on. 




"I have set My rainbow in the clouds,
and it will be the sign of the covenant
between Me and the earth. "
Genesis 9:13 



***
"Two are better than one...
If the one falls,
the other will lift up his companion."
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10



***
"Let all that you do
be done in love. "
1 Corinthians 16:14

***
"The LORD will guide you continually...
and you shall be like a watered garden,
like a spring of water,
whose waters never fail. "

Isaiah 58:11




***

"Blessed are they who mourn,
for they will be comforted."
Matthew 5:4


***
"And what does the Lord require of you
But to do justly.
To love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God? "

Micah 6:8


***

"...Be strong and of good courage;
do not be afraid, nor be dismayed,
for the Lord your God is with you

wherever you go. "

Joshua 1:9
***
"Ask, and it will be given to you;
seek, and you will find;
knock, and it will be opened to you. "
Matthew 7:7

***


"...let us love one another,
because love is from God;

everyone who loves is born of God

and knows God. "

1 John 4:7




***
Love is patient,love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs
Love does not delight in evil 
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, 
always trusts, 
always hopes, 
always perseveres"
I Corinthians 13:4-7



***



Who provides for the raven his food
When his young ones cry unto God?
Job 38:41






Beautiful Fayruz

{ Friday, April 27, 2012 }
Lately I've come to really appreciate Lebanese singer Fayruz. I think her music is beautiful and relaxing. For that I'd like to share a song of her now and then on my blog. Enjoy! =)




يا قمر على دارتنا يا حكاية سهرتنا يللي فتنتنا حلوة يا جارتنا
يا قمر على دارتنا عتلالك ليلتنا رقصة حملتنا و صوبك أخدتنا
شفناك ميلنا بهالليل و سألنا
تاريك حاببنا و ما بتقول شو زعلنا
و القمر على دارتنا حكاياتو بسهرتنا رقصة حملتنا و صوبو أخدتنا

The Purpose of Religion

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What is the purpose of religion, any religion? Those who don't believe in a higher power will probably say that it's designed by men to control others. 
Since I do believe in God, I don't think that control is the original purpose. Sure, there are enough religious clerics in any religion who think they have the right to tell others what to do. There will always be people like that, religious or not, and it's up to the individual to get his/her own knowledge and not believe everything that other people say. A true scholar is humble, and doesn't get offended if people reject his/her ideas. He/she doesn't expect blind obedience from others. He/she is not God, although some sure seem to think they are. 

To me, the purpose of religion is to create a better society, where people remember to be grateful and humble, and not let their carnal desires run away with them. A society where people are good to one another, and treat others like they want to be treated themselves. A society without arrogance, greed or vanity. Of course, it's not easy to achieve such a society, and it requires constant striving, and questioning of the self. Do I believe that there will ever be a society like that? Maybe, if people will have the courage to take a good look at themselves. If I look at Muslims today, I can't help but shake my head and sigh. Many of them have forgotten the purpose of Islam in the first place. It wasn't revealed so they could swear at a sister for not wearing hijaab or niqaab. It wasn't revealed so they could fulfill their carnal desires and take a young second wife without ever looking at the first again. It wasn't revealed so little girls could be mutilated and forced to marry at a young age. Wake up! The purpose of Islam is to create a just society, where all members are respected and honored. If someone thinks that swearing, selfishness, abuse, intolerance and oppression is going to create such a society, I can't help but laugh at their  ignorance. It means he/she wants to recreate jahilliya society all over again (hello Saudi Arabia)! Don't you think that would be a little odd, given that Islam came specifically to abolish such nonsense? Very odd indeed, yet that is exactly what Muslim societies are doing. How can someone pray five times a day, and then go and hit his sister? It just totally baffles me. What baffles me even more is that there are women out there who are harder on their own sex than men. I've come across plenty of them on the internet, and if I look at Egyptian parliament then the queen of female oppression is sitting right there. Apparently those women think that the only way to have power over their lives, is to promote patriarchy, be honored by men for that and be pushed to the front as a result to make other women's lives miserable. So they acquire power, but at what cost? 

Anyway, there are so many abuses of religion that I could dedicate a whole blog to the subject. What it all comes down to, however, is a twisted view on the basic reasons for religion: a better society, peace, humbleness, gratitude towards a higher power, giving worth to all people. It's not hard to see that such abusers are doing the exact opposite. 
May God guide them, and help us create a better society where there is no injustice towards anyone, ameen.


Private Blog

{ Thursday, April 26, 2012 }
Assalaamu aleykum,

I started a private blog a few months ago to write about my journey in Egypt. Unfortunately I didn't have a lot of free time there, so I couldn't really write a lot.
I want to revive that blog to write about more personal issues, that I don't want to share on a public blog.
If you'd like to share that journey with me, you can send me an e-mail at safiyahsmusings@hotmail.com and I'll invite you to my private blog. Please also mention the e-mail address I can send the invite to.
The people who are already invited will stay invited of course :)

Please note that I'll only invite people I'm familiar with.

Much love,

Safiyah

Gems of the Week III

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Assalaamu aleykum,

Here are the links I treasured this week.

Knowledge Must Be Followed By Action @ Writings on Parchment

Self-Discipline series - How to achieve self-discipline?

NO isn't a dirty word - The power of saying no and standing up for yourself

Prophet Muhammad, a Mercy for All Creatures



Personal Bill of Rights

{ Wednesday, April 25, 2012 }
Every human being is entitled to these rights for no other reason than that he/she exists. 

(Please note: I didn't write these rights, but author is unknown to me. I just want to repost!)

1. I have the right to ask for what I want.

2. I have the right to say ‘no’ to requests or demands I cannot meet.

3. I have the right to express all of my feelings, positive or negative.

4. I have the right to change my mind.

5. I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.

6. I have the right to follow my own values and standards.

7. I have the right to say ‘no’ to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is 

unsafe, or it violates my values.

8. I have the right to determine my own priorities.

9. I have the right not to be responsible for others’ behaviour, actions, feelings or problems.

10. I have the right to expect honesty from others.

11. I have the right to be angry at someone I love.

12. I have the right to be uniquely myself.

13. I have the right to be scared and say ‘I’m afraid’.

14. I have the right to say ‘I don’t know’.

15. I have the right not to give excuses or reasons for my behaviour.

16. I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings.

17. I have the right to my own needs of personal space and time.

18. I have the right to be playful and frivolous.

19. I have the right to be healthier than those around me.

20. I have the right to be in a non abusive environment.

21. I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.

22. I have the right to change and grow.

23. I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.

24. I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.

25. I have the right to be happy.

Post this in a conspicuous place. By taking time to carefully read through the list every day, you will eventually learn to accept that you are entitled to each of them.




Balance: the key to happiness

{ Sunday, April 22, 2012 }
“To find the balance you want, this is what you must become. You must keep your feet grounded so firmly on the earth that it's like you have 4 legs instead of 2. That way, you can stay in the world. But you must stop looking at the world through your head. You must look through your heart, instead. That way, you will know God.” 
- Elizabeth Gilbert

I firmly believe that finding balance is the key to a happy and fulfilled life. 

If we have too much of one thing, we become dissatisfied with it, and long for the opposite. I believe we can become unhappy with too much money, too much company, too much stifling love. The key is to find your middle way. Not all people have the same balance, we all have different preferences. To find our personal balance, we need to pay close attention to our own needs and feelings. It's not a bad thing to make sure your needs are fulfilled, as long as you take the responsibility and don't expect someone else to fulfill them for you. If you are happy, you will put less pressure on your spouse and friends, and be able to accept them more like they are, with all their flaws and short-comings. You don't need them to be perfect, because you created your own happiness, and healthy boundaries. 


Balance between you and others


Finding our balance requires constant consciousness. It's finding the reasons behind our behavior. Maybe you go out every day with friends because it makes you happy - or because you are running from something that you don't want to face. Finding your balance is an act of self-love, and it's the most healthy thing anyone can do. During this act of self-discovery, you can ask yourself the following questions:


How do I feel about spending time with others? Regardless of society's view on being sociable and "out there", do I feel like I take enough time for myself? How do I feel after I spend time with others: recharged and full of energy, or rather drained? Wouldn't it be better for me to stay at home for a change, take a nice bath, and read a good book? Can I stand up for my needs and demand time for myself, or do I feel like I'm always running around to please others? 


Tip: make a list of some activities you enjoy doing on your own, and make time for it at least once a week. 


Or, do I feel lonely? Do I feel cut off from the world? Do I feel I need more contact with others? What's stopping me? A low self-esteem? Fear of the dangers of the world? What can I do to put myself out there more? Maybe take on a new hobby? Go to Islamic classes (or any classes of interest to you)? Even if you don't have good friends right now, it's never to late to meet them! Remember, a stranger is just a friend you haven't got to know yet!


Tip: look for classes in your area that are of interest to you, or contact an old friend and set a date to meet up with them. If you don't have time, then make some ;-)


Living in one of both opposites can be exhausting. Make sure your boundaries are in place when you deal with others, and don't let anyone prevent you from meeting new friends and/or seeing your old ones, if that's what you need. 




Balance between work and pleasure


If all we ever do in life is work, we miss the meaning of enjoyment. If all we ever do is seeking pleasure, we will never find it. 
Whether we like it or not, we have responsibilities in life. As Muslims, we have certain religious duties, next to studying, earning money and taking care of others. I believe that next to our duties, there should be time for pleasure. Pure, shameless pleasure. Reading a book in the garden, while the sun caresses your skin, watching your favorite movie with your favorite chocolates, laughing with your friend on the phone or meeting her in the park. We are not here only to work, but also to enjoy, to laugh, to love, to jump into puddles of rain, to smell the scent of flowers, and to seek beauty in everything we do. 
Try to find a balance in this, because we can only truly relax if we know how to work hard. Take some time to work, and to enjoy yourself, every single day. Try to enjoy the small things too: making your spouse laugh, encouraging your child with sweet words, watching the sun set, drinking that cup of tea you like so much. It can be very simple.
Try to work hard, to achieve your goals. We need goals to give our life meaning, and happiness also results from knowing we can count on ourselves to really go for something we want. Whether it's university, or as big as reaching Paradise, knowing that we are doing our best to achieve our goal can  give us confidence and fulfillment. Work hard, for yourself and your loved ones, and you will know real pleasure.


Balance between this world and the next


There is a reason why there are no Islamic monks. We are meant to keep our both feet firmly on the ground, even if our heart longs for our final Home. Islam teaches us to be involved in our communities, to care about others, to marry, and to not lock ourselves away somewhere. 


“We made you to be a community of the middle way, so that (with the example of your lives) you might bear witness to the truth before all mankind.” (Qur’an, 2:143)


True, we shouldn't get caught up in this world and all its splendor, but we shouldn't hide from it either. We have a responsibility to make this world a better place, to give charity, to want for others what we want for ourselves, while we worship God and strive towards His mercy and forgiveness. 


Be quick in the race for forgiveness from your Lord, and in the race for a garden wide as the heavens and the earth, prepared for the righteous- (the righteous are) those who spend whether in prosperity or adversity, who restrain anger and who pardon all people. For God loves those who do good. (Qu'ran 3:133 –134)


The worshippers of the All-Merciful are they who tread gently upon the earth, and when the ignorant address them, they reply, “Peace!“ ( Qur’an 25:63)


















Why I don't eat halal meat (or any meat)

{ Saturday, April 21, 2012 }
Assalaamu aleykum,

Like Hijabman in his excellent post pointed out, too much importance is placed on the way an animal is slaughtered. But meat is not "halal" or permissible just by the way the animal is slaughtered, also by the way it's treated in life! It's not allowed to mistreat an animal in Islam, yet I never saw more abuse to animals than when I was in Egypt! Horses being whipped constantly without respite, sheep being mercilessly beaten with a stick and the list goes on! Many Muslims seems to be under the illusion that they will not be held accountable for how they mistreat an animal, but they are in for an unpleasant surprise.

"There is not an animal that lives on the earth, nor a being that flies on its wings, but they form communities like you. Nothing have we omitted from the Book, and they all shall be gathered to their Lord in the end"(Quran 6:38).


“Seest thou not that it is Allah Whose praise all beings in the heavens and on earth do celebrate, and the birds (of the air) with wings outspread? Each one knows its own (mode of) prayer and praise, and Allah knows well all that they do.” (Quran 24:41)

"And the earth, He has assigned it to all living creatures" (Quran 55:10).


Now, I give a sad laugh when you tell me that I can eat meat in Egypt, just because it was slaughtered a certain way. Those animals were not treated well during their lifetime, and we humans, as guardians of the earth, have a real responsibility towards these innocent creatures. Is this how we deal with what God created? Is this how we respect Him? By beating, abusing, starving, force-feeding, and torturing the very creatures He put under our care? Do you not consider this a sin? 


Animals who are slaughtered in the halal way in the West don't have a much better fate. I once read an article of an undercover journalist who discovered that animals were beaten and abused in a so called "halal" slaughter house in the UK. I believe this occurs a lot, because a lot of Muslims have lost respect for animals, and only care about stuffing themselves after a day of fasting or being able to eat their halal hamburger. You can ignore this post, and pretend like you don't care, but know that you will be held accountable for the meat you ate during your life. And know that laziness or hardness of heart is never an excuse for anything in Islam.

It is related from Sahl ibn Al-Handhaliyya that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, once passed by a camel that was so emaciated that its back had almost reached its stomach. He said, "Fear Allah in these beasts who cannot speak." (Abu Dawud)

 It is related from AbdulRahman bin Abdullah that a group of Companions were once on a journey with the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and he left them for a while. During his absence, they saw a bird with its two young, and they took the young ones from the nest. The mother bird was circling above in the air, beating its wings in grief, when the Prophet came back. He said, "Who has hurt the feelings of this bird by taking its young? Return them to her." (Muslim)

It is related from Jabir that the Messenger of Allah, once saw a donkey which had been branded on its face and he said, "May Allah curse the one who branded it." (Muslim)

It is related from Abu Hurayra, from the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, that a prostitute once saw a dog on a very hot day going round and round a well, lolling its tongue because of its thirst. She drew some water for it using her shoe, and for this action all her sins were forgiven. (Muslim)

It is related from Abdullah ibn Umar that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "A woman was once punished after death because of a cat which she had kept confined until it died, and because of this she entered the Fire. She had neither given it food or drink while confining it, nor had she let it free to eat the creatures of the earth." (Muslim)

"Allah cursed him {Satan} for having said: 'I shall entice a number of your servants, and lead them astray, and I shall arouse in them vain desires; and I shall instruct them to slit the ears of cattle; and most certainly, I shall bid them - so that they will corrupt Allah's creation'. Indeed! He who chooses the Devil rather than Allah as his patron, ruins himself manifestly. (Qur'an 4:118, 119).



Blogger Appreciation Award!

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Assalaamu aleykum dear readers,


I received the Blogger Appreciation Award from Anne over at her wonderful blog Writer's Space. If you haven't already, definitely check it out! Thank you for the award, Anne!






The rules of accepting the award are:

1. Thank and link back to the person who awarded you.
2. Write 7 random things about yourself.
3. Spread the love to more bloggers!

7 random things about myself:

1. I love to wear long skirts. They make me feel very feminine and elegant.

2. I enjoy having coffee every morning 

3. I want to learn the Qu'ran by heart in its chronological order, because I can follow the journey of Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) and his teachings like that.

4. I want to improve my French

5. I work too little for university, since we don't have class anymore. I need to write my thesis and a 10-pages paper but it's hard to motivate myself when I don't have direct time pressure.

6. I want to study psychology

7. I love it when I go outside in my garden and the air smells of summer and flowers.

I'm passing this award on to the following lovely bloggers:



Londoneya @ Londoneya

Dana @ Pure

Rosewater @ Rosewater

New Wife @ A New Muslim Wife

These blogs are all little treasures, so be sure to check them out! 
Thanks again for the blog award, Anne, and may all your dreams come true! ;)







Gems of the Week II

{ Wednesday, April 18, 2012 }
More like Gems of the Month, but anyway! ;-)


Softening the Heart - A simple article with tips on how to soften your heart

Don't Make Someone the Sole Source Of Your Happiness - A thoughtful reminder

100 Tips & Thoughts for Better Self-Esteem - An eye-opener. Definitely worth reading!

If loving someone means that you can’t love you, always, without a doubt, choose you.


Why Do People Have to Leave Each Other? - A thoughtful article by Yasmin Mogahed on how to attach ourselves more to God than dunya.




Our Inner Compass

{ Tuesday, April 17, 2012 }
"Dear friend, your heart is a polished mirror. You must wipe it clean of the veil of dust that has gathered upon it, because it is destined to reflect the light of divine secrets."  -al-Ghazzal

I firmly believe that in the depths of our being, we have a compass, that guides us towards the Truth. We can consult it, and ask it questions, and if we listen carefully it will point us in the right direction.
Using this compass, this pure untouched light, requires consciousness. It's clear from the human state that a lot of people are not in touch with it, and in fact ignore the gentle whisper from the depths of their soul. I believe that this compass is a gift from God, a drop of water from His ocean of Mercy and Light. Some would call it intuition, and I agree, but it goes deeper than that. I believe that, on top of giving us hunches about a certain person, situation or event, it also guides us and helps us find our way in life. It's what people describe as "listening to your heart and discovering what really makes you happy".

Maybe the next question would be, how to distinguish it from our ego or lower desires? I think if we are honest with ourselves, we already know the difference. The voice of our ego is negative, impolite, judging and harsh. It's that voice in the back of our head that nags us and tells us we are lazy and not good enough, never good enough. And that others aren't either. "What the hell is she wearing? What she said right now is so dumb! His jokes are so silly, he only ever makes a fool of himself." That biting tone is our inner judge, our ego, our lower desires and sometimes it can really overcloud the pureness in us. We must clean our heart with sincere prayer, meditation and remembrance of God. We must clean it by reassuring ourselves, looking in the mirror with a smile and saying "I love you". There is nothing wrong with a healthy dose of self-love, and there is nothing humble or noble about self-loathing.
We must clean our heart, our inner compass, by smiling a lot and believing in love, in the goodness of people.

The voice of our inner compass would never force us, swear at us or have a negative, toxic edge. It's gentle, subtle and full of mercy and compassion. It's that voice that tell us, during a dark night when we are sobbing and all seems lost, that we are going to be ok, that we'll live and come out stronger. It's that light in us, that keeps burning, even when everything else seems to have abandoned us. A gift from God can never be harmed or destroyed or turned into a tool of negativity. The closer we come to God, the Merciful, the more this gentle voice will speak to us and be heard. Our inner judge will go on holiday or resign, and the poisonous thoughts will stop. We will feel compassion instead of judgement, and we will realise that everyone is following their own path. Instead of hating, we will pray for someone, and ask God to shower him/her with love and light, and guide him/her on the right path. We will be in touch with our pureness, that directly connects us with God. Of course, we need constant consciousness, constant remembrance to achieve this, and it's not an easy path. But it's the path to happiness and inner peace, and to a life that serves you, instead of you serving your life.




How sound is a "saheeh" hadith?

{ Sunday, April 15, 2012 }
Something short to think about.
Bukhari, considered a big authority on the narrating of hadiths, classified the following hadith as saheeh:


Sahih Bukhari, Book 52: Volume 4, Number 110: Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar I heard the Prophet saying. "Evil omen is in three things: The horse, the woman and the house."


The following comes from "Why the Prophet Mohammed married more than one" by Ahmad Mohammad El Hawfy, Ph.D, Translated by Ahmad Ibrahim El Orfaly From the Supreme Council 
for Islamic Affairs, Cairo, A.R.E.published 1976


(The text can be found on Yosra's blog: http://afterhardship.blogspot.com/2011/01/why-prophet-muhammad-married-more-than.html)


When she (Aisha) was told that Abu Horaira said that God's Messenger said, "Evil is in three: the house, the woman, and the mare," she said, "Abu Horaira's memory failed him. He came upon God's Messenger while saying, "May God curse the Jews who say that evil is in three: the house, the woman, and the mare. He heard the last part of the tradition and missed the first part."  


Here is another hadith by bukhari that clearly contradicts the previous one: He says: “(Believing in) bad omen is a form of idolatry. It may occur to anyone of us, but God clears it away when we rely totally on Him.” (Related by Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad, al-Tirmidhi and Abu Dawood)


Here another one:  Abu Hurayrah quotes the Prophet as saying: “Do not entertain bad omen. The best of it is the good one.” Asked which is the good one, the Prophet answered: “A good word any of you may hear.” (Related by al-Bukhari and Ahmad).



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